My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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