Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize