I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
