so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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