I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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