At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
