btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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