You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
