I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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