True but thats because hes a fetus.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
