You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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