her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Why are your pants in the freezer?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
