i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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