P.S. I can't hear my feet
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize