I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
