I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize