She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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