allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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