Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
