I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
