you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
