im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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