Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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