Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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