There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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