I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
