You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
