Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
