Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
