Me too!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
