capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
