it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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