I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
