FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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