i was born a porn star she said
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
