You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
