Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize