I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
