My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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