Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
