I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
