I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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