saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
