You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize