i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
PANTIES FOUND
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