i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
