bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
