I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm bleeding and have questions
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
