ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize