Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
