she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
