Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize