How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
please don't ironically join a cult
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