she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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