I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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