I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
