Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
