Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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