Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
