a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Randomize
