I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
