May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
