man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
