Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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