I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
