I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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