I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
