Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
