I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
