i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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