Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
