I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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