My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
