I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
