I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
