we made out on top of his cat.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Did I show you my penis last night?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
