R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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