So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize