Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How does it feel to date your dad?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
