piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
