I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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