Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
