Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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