I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
