WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
