we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
