Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
that's an acceptable place to lick
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
