I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
