I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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