i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
