dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
