The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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