I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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