Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
