Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
