i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
