I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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